F is for failure.

RE: title of the blog. F is for failure.
F is also for Funny. Food. Fiasco. Fly. Figure skater. Floosy. Fork. Finger nail. Foto. Who am I kidding. It's also for F#$K. As in ____. I have failed my first semester of uni.

I have way too much shit and clutter in my room which I am sure has clouded my mind and ability to function properly, greatly influencing the fact that I am failing.
I never make my bed, and so feel compelled to fall into periodically through the day for a nap or just to lay back under the covers and watch more useless television series and movies I've downloaded off Aliance. I know for a fact this is a contributing factor as to why I am failing.
I am completely disorganised, despite having a calender on my phone and to-do lists of up to 10 items sitting on the home screen, silently reminding me that I, obviously, have things to do. Sometimes I even program alerts which I quickly shut off for fear of all that I have to do slowly creeping up on me.

I have three diaries. Yes, 3. All of them have the same things in there, assessment dates, times of lectures and tutorials, work to be done, lists to be crossed off, and it just doesn't help. Sure I can categorize my time in theory, just not so much in practice. Another reason I'm failing.
So, I am a list maker. This is my demise. No one can make a list better than me. I have a knack for it. I had a list on my wall up until a couple of weeks ago. It stared at me for months, as it continued to grow, omniously, until the ratio of ticks to empty boxes threw me over the edge and I realised lists are pointless unless it's possible to actually to do them. I couldn't. Fail.

I am the biggest procrastinator. This needs no explaination and as such is a fail.
A [P+] doesn't matter when it's 12 days late, at 2% a day. Fail.
Excuses don't work. Ever. I make excuses; I am an excuse maker. If I don't have something legit to lean on, I will make something up, despite the fact that I can't substanciate it. F.
I am unnervingly accepting of my predicament. I have ceased to care. Which is very worrying, and cheif amoung the many reasons why I am failing.

So really this blog is to account for the fact that I stand for F. I'm not really sure what to do with this realisation as yet. I have meetings to attend to talk about my 'options', people to bullshit, bullshit to bullshit, myself to bullshit because as much as I can blame my problems on everything else, the fact is, the reason I am a failure is me.

F is also for future. I'm not sure what to expect. F is also for fool. That I am.