Ok so, been a little while so figured it was time for some updates, more so for myself to keep track of where I'm going - a big problem of mine as of late.
So alot has been going down in Syd as of late, and at the same time, not alot.
Uni isnt really going all that well, and so im facing failing, again. 2 semesters in a row, doesnt look so good huh. but im sorting it out, getting a doctors cert for my lack of attendance, and making yet another appointment with my student advisor. sadly, i dont think uni is for me. well scarily, really. why? because i have no idea what i wanna do, or be for that matter, i guess uni was sort of an excuse to put off thinking about it. going back to school after a year however, and with no real goal to reach or achieve at the end makes for a complete lack of motivation to succeed. i guess i should just want to succeed for the fact of succeeding, but its really not that easy.
anyway, other than that little mess, the new place, not so new anymore, is going great guns. the cat doesnt even bother me anymore. well, not as much.
friends are good, the guys in my life however, confusing as ever. one decides he wants me when i dont want him anymore, the other decided me wanted me, even though he still had a gf. decided not to tell me this, so needless to say the last few weeks havent been too pleasent with the gf constantly contacting me, and him saying they werent together anymore, and me finding out hes a liar. i dont understand how i manage to get all the bad ones. are there no decent guys in sydney? if there are, ive yet to meet any.
got coaster festival coming up in 2 weeks which i cant wait for, then jamie t the week after, and hoping to get tix to stereosonic. LOVING the bloody beetroots.
anyway i guess thats really it from me, more updates as they come.
Showing posts with label Uni. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uni. Show all posts
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Is there anybody out there?
Today I was walking through the park alone, powering on, to walk to the other side of town. I was really deep in thought until I noticed birds chattering closeby. I looked up, slowed down, and realised how beautiful the park looked. In the transition of green fading and brown replacing, it was chilly, I could hear the fountain trickling, it smelt fresh and clean and I realised that if I hadn't stopped and taken notice, I'd have missed out.
That's how I feel about my life at the moment. I was wasting my time, not stopping to 'smell the roses' and I realised 3 months had gone by like the blink of an eye, and I'd wasted them. So I came back home, and now I'm stumped. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I didn't know what to do in the first place, and my lack of direction has caused me to fail my first semester of uni, amoung other things.
So, it's re-assessment time. Be nice if someone could just tell me what to do, or convincingly, that everything will be ok. Time will tell!
That's how I feel about my life at the moment. I was wasting my time, not stopping to 'smell the roses' and I realised 3 months had gone by like the blink of an eye, and I'd wasted them. So I came back home, and now I'm stumped. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I didn't know what to do in the first place, and my lack of direction has caused me to fail my first semester of uni, amoung other things.
So, it's re-assessment time. Be nice if someone could just tell me what to do, or convincingly, that everything will be ok. Time will tell!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
F is for failure.
RE: title of the blog. F is for failure.
F is also for Funny. Food. Fiasco. Fly. Figure skater. Floosy. Fork. Finger nail. Foto. Who am I kidding. It's also for F#$K. As in ____. I have failed my first semester of uni.
I have way too much shit and clutter in my room which I am sure has clouded my mind and ability to function properly, greatly influencing the fact that I am failing.
I never make my bed, and so feel compelled to fall into periodically through the day for a nap or just to lay back under the covers and watch more useless television series and movies I've downloaded off Aliance. I know for a fact this is a contributing factor as to why I am failing.
I am completely disorganised, despite having a calender on my phone and to-do lists of up to 10 items sitting on the home screen, silently reminding me that I, obviously, have things to do. Sometimes I even program alerts which I quickly shut off for fear of all that I have to do slowly creeping up on me.
I have three diaries. Yes, 3. All of them have the same things in there, assessment dates, times of lectures and tutorials, work to be done, lists to be crossed off, and it just doesn't help. Sure I can categorize my time in theory, just not so much in practice. Another reason I'm failing.
So, I am a list maker. This is my demise. No one can make a list better than me. I have a knack for it. I had a list on my wall up until a couple of weeks ago. It stared at me for months, as it continued to grow, omniously, until the ratio of ticks to empty boxes threw me over the edge and I realised lists are pointless unless it's possible to actually to do them. I couldn't. Fail.
I am the biggest procrastinator. This needs no explaination and as such is a fail.
A [P+] doesn't matter when it's 12 days late, at 2% a day. Fail.
Excuses don't work. Ever. I make excuses; I am an excuse maker. If I don't have something legit to lean on, I will make something up, despite the fact that I can't substanciate it. F.
I am unnervingly accepting of my predicament. I have ceased to care. Which is very worrying, and cheif amoung the many reasons why I am failing.
So really this blog is to account for the fact that I stand for F. I'm not really sure what to do with this realisation as yet. I have meetings to attend to talk about my 'options', people to bullshit, bullshit to bullshit, myself to bullshit because as much as I can blame my problems on everything else, the fact is, the reason I am a failure is me.
F is also for future. I'm not sure what to expect. F is also for fool. That I am.
F is also for Funny. Food. Fiasco. Fly. Figure skater. Floosy. Fork. Finger nail. Foto. Who am I kidding. It's also for F#$K. As in ____. I have failed my first semester of uni.
I have way too much shit and clutter in my room which I am sure has clouded my mind and ability to function properly, greatly influencing the fact that I am failing.
I never make my bed, and so feel compelled to fall into periodically through the day for a nap or just to lay back under the covers and watch more useless television series and movies I've downloaded off Aliance. I know for a fact this is a contributing factor as to why I am failing.
I am completely disorganised, despite having a calender on my phone and to-do lists of up to 10 items sitting on the home screen, silently reminding me that I, obviously, have things to do. Sometimes I even program alerts which I quickly shut off for fear of all that I have to do slowly creeping up on me.
I have three diaries. Yes, 3. All of them have the same things in there, assessment dates, times of lectures and tutorials, work to be done, lists to be crossed off, and it just doesn't help. Sure I can categorize my time in theory, just not so much in practice. Another reason I'm failing.
So, I am a list maker. This is my demise. No one can make a list better than me. I have a knack for it. I had a list on my wall up until a couple of weeks ago. It stared at me for months, as it continued to grow, omniously, until the ratio of ticks to empty boxes threw me over the edge and I realised lists are pointless unless it's possible to actually to do them. I couldn't. Fail.
I am the biggest procrastinator. This needs no explaination and as such is a fail.
A [P+] doesn't matter when it's 12 days late, at 2% a day. Fail.
Excuses don't work. Ever. I make excuses; I am an excuse maker. If I don't have something legit to lean on, I will make something up, despite the fact that I can't substanciate it. F.
I am unnervingly accepting of my predicament. I have ceased to care. Which is very worrying, and cheif amoung the many reasons why I am failing.
So really this blog is to account for the fact that I stand for F. I'm not really sure what to do with this realisation as yet. I have meetings to attend to talk about my 'options', people to bullshit, bullshit to bullshit, myself to bullshit because as much as I can blame my problems on everything else, the fact is, the reason I am a failure is me.
F is also for future. I'm not sure what to expect. F is also for fool. That I am.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Realisations realised a little too late
realisation
noun
1. coming to understand something clearly and distinctly
2. making real or giving the appearance of reality
3. something that is made real or concrete
* Thanks, dictionary.com
Sometimes realisation is a great thing. When something hits you, BAM, and suddenly the pieces come together; something makes sense to you. I swear there is even a facial expression that goes hand in hand, the “Ohhh” or a nod, or in my case normally a furrowed brow, followed by a laugh, because I normally miss the point on many occasions.
Then there is another type of realisation. This realisation dawns quickly, the same as above, but doesn’t have that same “oh, silly me” feeling accompanying it. “Oh silly me, they said this but meant that” sort of feeling.I remember in Year 12, in Extension English we had to do a 10 minute presentation on a text of our choosing. I did Othello. So I always tried to work really hard in that class. My teacher didn’t like me very much and never thought I could live up to my “potential”. So I slaved away at this presentation for weeks, and finally came to day to lay it all out. Unfortunetly for me, as I started reading, a horrible feeling dawned over me. The feeling of realisation. That I had completely missed the point of the question I was meant to be answering. Sure, I had a great speech, with some great points, good use of technical language, and a thorough knowlege of the text, but somehow I had missed the big picture, become too involved in what I was trying to do and failed to do what I was meant to. I remember pausing, and sighing, and thinking “It’s probably not worth going on”, about 3 minutes into the speech.
3 minutes isn’t a very long time, it’s not the quick and witty SNAP of realisation, when someone is watching you to ‘get’ something that may have been said, this one was a little more internal, felt in the pit of my stomach.Yesterday I had a similar realisation, that although I had felt it in my stomach for a while, it finally hit home today.It took me nearly 3 months for the realisation to hit that I have completely screwed my first semester of uni.
So I took a year off last year, after having completed the HSC, to work. That meant, for me, doing noththing more than bagging groceries for a year, and letting my mind wander around in the process. Lassoing it back in, and trying to train it back into study mode has been near impossible. I have a short attention span, I’m a procrastinator, I’m lazy, and I have a million reasons why something can’t work, instead of finding a way to make it work. I’d missed more than half my lectures and tutorials due to being sick, for the majority of my subjects, and was feeling apathetic to say the least towards my degree. I was so far behind, I was finding it impossible to catch up whilst simultaneously trying to keep up.
But today, while completing a media proposal that was actually due 10 days ago (and I found this out, 10 days ago) I had a really great realisation. I realised I actually liked what I was doing. I caught up on a few more lectures I needed for the proposal, and as I summarised my notes, I realised I knew what I was talking about. Suddenly, I felt a bit better. Suddenly, I realised that this is the way it could have been, from day one, point A.
Realisations realised, too little too late.
noun
1. coming to understand something clearly and distinctly
2. making real or giving the appearance of reality
3. something that is made real or concrete
* Thanks, dictionary.com
Sometimes realisation is a great thing. When something hits you, BAM, and suddenly the pieces come together; something makes sense to you. I swear there is even a facial expression that goes hand in hand, the “Ohhh” or a nod, or in my case normally a furrowed brow, followed by a laugh, because I normally miss the point on many occasions.
Then there is another type of realisation. This realisation dawns quickly, the same as above, but doesn’t have that same “oh, silly me” feeling accompanying it. “Oh silly me, they said this but meant that” sort of feeling.I remember in Year 12, in Extension English we had to do a 10 minute presentation on a text of our choosing. I did Othello. So I always tried to work really hard in that class. My teacher didn’t like me very much and never thought I could live up to my “potential”. So I slaved away at this presentation for weeks, and finally came to day to lay it all out. Unfortunetly for me, as I started reading, a horrible feeling dawned over me. The feeling of realisation. That I had completely missed the point of the question I was meant to be answering. Sure, I had a great speech, with some great points, good use of technical language, and a thorough knowlege of the text, but somehow I had missed the big picture, become too involved in what I was trying to do and failed to do what I was meant to. I remember pausing, and sighing, and thinking “It’s probably not worth going on”, about 3 minutes into the speech.
3 minutes isn’t a very long time, it’s not the quick and witty SNAP of realisation, when someone is watching you to ‘get’ something that may have been said, this one was a little more internal, felt in the pit of my stomach.Yesterday I had a similar realisation, that although I had felt it in my stomach for a while, it finally hit home today.It took me nearly 3 months for the realisation to hit that I have completely screwed my first semester of uni.
So I took a year off last year, after having completed the HSC, to work. That meant, for me, doing noththing more than bagging groceries for a year, and letting my mind wander around in the process. Lassoing it back in, and trying to train it back into study mode has been near impossible. I have a short attention span, I’m a procrastinator, I’m lazy, and I have a million reasons why something can’t work, instead of finding a way to make it work. I’d missed more than half my lectures and tutorials due to being sick, for the majority of my subjects, and was feeling apathetic to say the least towards my degree. I was so far behind, I was finding it impossible to catch up whilst simultaneously trying to keep up.
But today, while completing a media proposal that was actually due 10 days ago (and I found this out, 10 days ago) I had a really great realisation. I realised I actually liked what I was doing. I caught up on a few more lectures I needed for the proposal, and as I summarised my notes, I realised I knew what I was talking about. Suddenly, I felt a bit better. Suddenly, I realised that this is the way it could have been, from day one, point A.
Realisations realised, too little too late.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thanks Kevin.
So, I'm sitting at my computer, with my vodka and orange juice and days worth of shopping bags, proudly surrounding me. No thanks to Kevin Rudd. As from today, electronically the stimulus packages (in my case $950) were beginning to filter into people's accounts, in the hope of "boosting the economy" - financial crisis and all. I'm happy to say I've done some of my part for the economy, having had a very nice afternoon out spending my (yet to be received) bonus.
I'm also rather chuffed as it's the first time in ages that I haven't felt guilty after a shopping spree. Maybe it's because I think I'm spending someone elses money. I guess in a way I am. Money I'd not otherwise have and what not.
Downside? I still haven't completed my assessment that was due yesterday (I've already said bye bye to 2 marks). I have a 500 word paper for Athropology&Sociology due Thursday, as well as a 1000 word close reading assessment for English on, my favourite, poetry. Fantastic .
Maybe I'll work better after having had a few drinks. At the moment I couldn't bear to start opening books and writing. Can you ever be in the right mood to do something you don't want to do? I guess not.
I also figure I better catch up on my 4 weeks worth of blogging for Media. I swear univerisity hasn't really taken off the way I thought it would. I am so far behind. I've missed the greater majority of my lectures and tutorials due to being sick, and do not have enough hours in the day let alone the week to catch up let alone continue trying to keep up.
Fighting a loosing battle. I'm sure that's the expression.
I'm also rather chuffed as it's the first time in ages that I haven't felt guilty after a shopping spree. Maybe it's because I think I'm spending someone elses money. I guess in a way I am. Money I'd not otherwise have and what not.
Downside? I still haven't completed my assessment that was due yesterday (I've already said bye bye to 2 marks). I have a 500 word paper for Athropology&Sociology due Thursday, as well as a 1000 word close reading assessment for English on, my favourite, poetry. Fantastic .
Maybe I'll work better after having had a few drinks. At the moment I couldn't bear to start opening books and writing. Can you ever be in the right mood to do something you don't want to do? I guess not.
I also figure I better catch up on my 4 weeks worth of blogging for Media. I swear univerisity hasn't really taken off the way I thought it would. I am so far behind. I've missed the greater majority of my lectures and tutorials due to being sick, and do not have enough hours in the day let alone the week to catch up let alone continue trying to keep up.
Fighting a loosing battle. I'm sure that's the expression.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Another Friday Night
So, as the title suggests it's just another Friday night. In, that is. I've ditched the straighter, manic outfit finding madness and my mandatory pre-drink bottle of vodka for a few quiet ones and some underbelly at 'home'.
So, Sydney Updates. All is going well! I'm settling in, attempting to keep on top of my uni work and liking having something to do with myself, even if it is perversely difficult. Emma's house mate are having a huge street party, flyers and all, tomorrow night so heading in to Newtown to help her out with getting ready early tomorrow night. I'm a little worried because it may get pretty big, and lots of people are invited, but if all goes to 'plan' it'll be an awesome night for drinking, friends, new people and Bon's bf's Newtown dj'ing debut. Madness to ensue I'm sure!
Anyway I'm not really oin the mood for blogging tonight don't know why I bothered when i don't have much to say but anywho, thats it
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Quickly, quickly
So as the title suggests, this is going to be a quick post as I have a little under 15 minutes to brush my teeth, get my stuff together and walk down to work.
So I got on campus. It's good to have somewhere to live but I'm not so happy about the arragements. And the fact that I'm not considered independant for another 3 months, despite earning over $25,000 in the required period. Centrelink do not make it easy. So, I need to work out a payment plan with my college as I'll be getting about $60 a week/fortnight as a depedendant. Considering my rent is $350, they needent bother, it hardly makes a dent. So, woeful money issues are weighing my 2 day countown till I move to Sydney.
Em moves tomorrow. Not to sure what craziness the weekend holds, with us all finally being down, but we'll see.
Ok, so I really am late now so that's all.
So I got on campus. It's good to have somewhere to live but I'm not so happy about the arragements. And the fact that I'm not considered independant for another 3 months, despite earning over $25,000 in the required period. Centrelink do not make it easy. So, I need to work out a payment plan with my college as I'll be getting about $60 a week/fortnight as a depedendant. Considering my rent is $350, they needent bother, it hardly makes a dent. So, woeful money issues are weighing my 2 day countown till I move to Sydney.
Em moves tomorrow. Not to sure what craziness the weekend holds, with us all finally being down, but we'll see.
Ok, so I really am late now so that's all.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Bring on the '09
Wow so it's 2009. Another year has passed and the year I have so keenly anticipated is finally here. To be honest it's a bit of a let down. Nothing in particular has changed, I'm still plodding along through the first days of the year and it's sort of like the first day of school, for the next month. Settling into a rhythm, of how you want to begin your year, organising a hell of a lot for university, pondering my resignation from a place I've been at for 3 years, trying to figure out just where the hell I'm living considering I need to have a place by the end of next month and the fact that I haven't saved a cent for about 4 months, it's a bit unnerving. No one said it would be easy, I just assumed I'd have all the time in the world to figure it out and sadly I don't.
So there's my winge for the beginning of 2009.
On the other hand, I've been constantly drunk the whole year (every..hmm...3 days of it lol) I've been shopping, to the beach, wached movies, had quality gal pal bonding time, helped to organise and hold a house party, been out on the town, twice, and tomorrow night am seeing The Kooks. That doesn't sound so bad at all does it.
So just how was my New Years? It was good. No big bang to welcome the new year and maybe my expectations we're a little high, but I had fun nonetheless.
Then I thought a bit about new years resolutions. Obviously I'm a bit late, but I've never been one to run with convention, so I'm making them now (better late than never right?)
I like simplicity so I'm keeping it simple:
1. Find a job
2. Keep said job.
3. Intergate successfully into uni
4. Put in needed effort for my course and NOT SLACK OFF oh I am a slacker
5. Nothing will stop my overseas trip in July. NOTHING. Put it off once, won't again.
6. Even if things don't work out, do what I need to do to be happy.
I can't think of anything worse than being unhappy in a situation you totally have control of, let alone one you don't. It's easy, remove yourself from that environment. Only you can ensure your own happiness, SO even if uni isn't for me, I'll do what I can to find an alternative I'm happy with. This is my biggest worry yet, that uni isn't for me but I haven't realised it yet.
Anyway first blog of the new year. And there'll be many more I'm sure.
So there's my winge for the beginning of 2009.
On the other hand, I've been constantly drunk the whole year (every..hmm...3 days of it lol) I've been shopping, to the beach, wached movies, had quality gal pal bonding time, helped to organise and hold a house party, been out on the town, twice, and tomorrow night am seeing The Kooks. That doesn't sound so bad at all does it.
So just how was my New Years? It was good. No big bang to welcome the new year and maybe my expectations we're a little high, but I had fun nonetheless.
Then I thought a bit about new years resolutions. Obviously I'm a bit late, but I've never been one to run with convention, so I'm making them now (better late than never right?)
I like simplicity so I'm keeping it simple:
1. Find a job
2. Keep said job.
3. Intergate successfully into uni
4. Put in needed effort for my course and NOT SLACK OFF oh I am a slacker
5. Nothing will stop my overseas trip in July. NOTHING. Put it off once, won't again.
6. Even if things don't work out, do what I need to do to be happy.
I can't think of anything worse than being unhappy in a situation you totally have control of, let alone one you don't. It's easy, remove yourself from that environment. Only you can ensure your own happiness, SO even if uni isn't for me, I'll do what I can to find an alternative I'm happy with. This is my biggest worry yet, that uni isn't for me but I haven't realised it yet.
Anyway first blog of the new year. And there'll be many more I'm sure.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I am a banshee
So I got my hair done yesterday. And it's mutilated.
Nevermind the fact that she cut off 10 yeards of my very hard hair growth progress, but the colours from the chart she showed me did not translate in any way to the end result. And $160 later lets just say not happy jan!!
So I'll have to somehow rectify it. With mum's money. Lol isn't she great.
I did see saw my natural colour for a brief and shining time, for one whispy second I thought I might like it then I was like err no. HELL NO. Never. lol.
So scholarship deadline for uni is today. Needless to say I haven't sent it in have I!
I hate that I leave everything to the last second, and am so indecisive. I know it's my subconscious trying to delay things yet again and I really can't seem to help it. I also haven't yet heard back from uni about accommodation. Which is a little worrying because I was really confident walking out of my interview, but I hope I should hear back in the next couple of weeks. I really don't have a clue what I'll do if this doesn't pan out. I guess that's why plan B's come in handy. I've never been one to have them, personally. I like things to come together the first time! Let's see if I can fluke my way again.
Nevermind the fact that she cut off 10 yeards of my very hard hair growth progress, but the colours from the chart she showed me did not translate in any way to the end result. And $160 later lets just say not happy jan!!
So I'll have to somehow rectify it. With mum's money. Lol isn't she great.
I did see saw my natural colour for a brief and shining time, for one whispy second I thought I might like it then I was like err no. HELL NO. Never. lol.
So scholarship deadline for uni is today. Needless to say I haven't sent it in have I!
I hate that I leave everything to the last second, and am so indecisive. I know it's my subconscious trying to delay things yet again and I really can't seem to help it. I also haven't yet heard back from uni about accommodation. Which is a little worrying because I was really confident walking out of my interview, but I hope I should hear back in the next couple of weeks. I really don't have a clue what I'll do if this doesn't pan out. I guess that's why plan B's come in handy. I've never been one to have them, personally. I like things to come together the first time! Let's see if I can fluke my way again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
